Bombshells

I can count on one hand how many times in my life a friend or family member has dropped a bombshell on me. However, I don't think any of them quite compare to the one dropped on me today.

I spent yesterday negotiating salary, responsibilities, and length of the job I accepted for the summer of 2008. Everything was going well, everybody was happy with the negotiations, and we were all well on our way to signing a final contract agreeing to the terms that we set together. Then I got the phone call today asking me to take the kids for the entire summer because they cannot afford them.

Now, this wouldn't be so bad, but let me explain a little more. I live 8 hours away from them. I would basically be a single parent of 2 children, ages 8 & 6. They would be completely my responsibility from June 1st to August 31st. I would be their official guardian during that time, the barrer of everything regarding to parenting. They would not visit their parents at all during this time, phone calls and e-mail would be the only communication between them.

I told them I would think about it. And that is literally all I have done since I got the phone call. I am completely torn. My heart is screaming yes while my head is screaming no. I have been thinking, praying, and crying for an answer. I have called my family, friends, and now I am reaching out to you. I just don't know what to do. Everytime I think about saying no, my heart breaks and the tears flow. Everytime I think about saying yes, fear overcomes me.

My heart breaks because I consider them my family. They are precious and unique in their own ways. The idea of them going to temporary foster care, or one of their many messed up family members-(drugs, alcohol, prositution, jail, robbery, the list goes on), devastates me. I know why their family asked me to do it. I am the best choice right now. Part of me swells with pride that they even asked, another part of me wants to go out and do something irresponsible so that I won't be the best option. I won't go out and do that, because that's not me. But the thought has crossed my mind.

The fear comes from just not knowing. I want to give these kids everything I can. I want them to grow up to be responsible, happy adults. I question my ability to care for them on my own. Not care in the physical sense, they would always have a roof over their head, clothes on their back, and food in their bellies. But care in the emotional and spiritual way. I am young, 22. This is a major decision for me to be making. It is a decision that I will have to live with, whichever way I choose.

I just don't know what to do. I am at a standstill and my family is split about which way I should go. I will ultimately make the final decision, I just pray that it is the right one. I don't want to look back in 10 years when they are 18 and 16 and wish I had chosen differently. I don't want them to suffer and be thrown into foster care, or be placed with family members who have shown that they are not capable of caring for children. But to take on 2 children, even if it is just for 90 days, is huge.

So here I am, at a crossroads, and I don't know which way to take. Any advice is welcome, positive or negative. All I ask is that you show tact and be respectful. Thank you.