Almost March

No I have not fallen off the face of the earth, nor have I forgotten that I have a blog. I've been tucked away in a "I don't wanna but I hafta" cucoon for the last 3 weeks.

1. I don't wanna deal with the fact that my dad may very well lose his job. He, and these are his words, "wasn't paying attention" and crashed the ambulance he was driving--injuring a patient and co-worker. He fully admits and accepts the consequences of his actions. The case is with the prosecutors office now.

1. I hafta deal with this fact. He may lose his job, he may lose his pension, he may have to sell the house and move into an apartment. He may have to find another job. His skill set is fairly limited, in the working world at least. He has worked at the same hospital, in the same department as a paramedic for over 30 years. This is what he trained for and this is his passion. The possibility of this making him or breaking him is very real. I fear it will break him, in more ways than one. While I don't condone his actions, or inactions, I will stand beside him every step of the way. Financially, there is very little I can do. Emotionally, I will do everything I can to help him through this.

2. I don't wanna deal with the fact that my classroom is on the decline. The tantrums, hitting, kicking, and yelling have increased ten fold in the kids. We've even had 3 seperate biting incidences. Injuries are uncommon in my classroom. Before February, the last biting incident was in September. To have 3 biting incidences, one of which broke the skin, in 3 weeks is---I have no words.

2. I hafta deal with the fact that my classroom is on the decline. The 3 biting incidences, and aggressive behaviors are not coming from the 5 new children. They are coming from children who have been in my classroom for a minimum of 6 months. I am struggling to regain control over my classroom. It is an uphill battle on a daily basis and I feel as though it's 1 step forward, 2 steps back. I feel like a failure because my students are out of control. They cannot be expected to learn and grow in such an environment. While I am still doing the preschool program, my expectations of what the kids will learn have been lowered. Not permanently, but until the aggressive behavior issues have been resolved.

3. I don't wanna deal with the fact that my co-lead teacher has seemingly given up. Her once bubbly, fun, sarcastic personality is gone. Perhaps not completely gone, but left at the doorstep--or hidden deep within. Her eyes seem void of caring and full of frustration.

3. I hafta deal with the fact that my co-lead teacher has seemingly given up. I feel the frustration on a daily basis. The raising of her voice, the stress in her motions, the panic in her body language when yet another child has a 30 minute meltdown of epic proportions. Perhaps she's suffering from burn out. Perhaps she no longer has the passion for the job. I honestly don't know. We've talked, we've hugged, we've cried together. Through it all, I am still unable to get a good 'read' of how she's feeling. I want to pull her back, tell her it's okay, let her put it all on me. Truth is, I don't know that I can handle having it all on me. I am struggling myself and to take another persons struggles, in addition to my own, may push me to far.

So there it is, in all of it's ugly truth. I am wishing, praying, hoping for March to be better. Problem is, it is a lot of work to get it 'better' and I don't know that I'm able to achieve what has been set before me.

No Stress

Well, that's what I'm hoping for at least. Truth is, I am stressed. There's 3 reasons for this...

1st: February is licensing month for us. The licensing guy can show up at any time during the month of February. We're all hoping he comes this week. The boss is beyond wigged out right now and snapping at everybody. Staff, parents, her husband, the kids, everybody. We just want it to be done and over with ASAP so that we can stop walking around on egg shells.

2nd: My 2nd assistant quit. Just up and quit. She had valid reasons, which I won't get into here, but it's put us in quite the bind. We're over ratio by 2 every day. This doesn't really affect the running of the classroom, or the lesson plans, or really anything within the structure of our day. However, licensing wise it looks bad. Really bad. If we get written up for it, which we probably will be, we have 30 days to fix the problem and then the licensing guy will be back. Problem is, with 30 days to interview, hire, and train a new 2nd assistant, we run the risk of hiring somebody just because we're desperate. This is bad news for everybody involved.

3rd: Next Monday I'm getting 4 new kids. They've been signed up for awhile. We were fine, ratio wise, until the 2nd assistant quit. Now, with these new kids starting we'll be over by 6. I have no kids I can move to the next level--they're all too young. If we move them now it changes the ratio requirements for the next room and they'll be over ratio as well.

Additionally, with these 4 new kids I have name tags, coat hook tags and cubbies to finish for them as well as a 6 page assessment on each of them. The name tags, coat hook tags and cubbies have to be done before they start. The assessments have to be completely within a week of their starting date.

So it looks like February will be a month of stress. I just hope the licensing guy doesn't come during our Valentine's Day party. Knowing my luck though, he probably will.