T-Ball

Goober is in T-ball this summer. She was given the choice between soccer and t-ball, she refused to make a decision so her mom made the decision for her. They practice on Monday & Thursday's from 4:30-6pm. The first practice was last Thursday, the second practice was today. The first practice Goober pouted through the entire time, then complained about it for the next 2 hours after we got home. The 2nd practice was worse. She refused to participate. When we got there she promptly sat next to me on the bleachers, arms crossed, and flat out told me she wasn't going "out there with those people." I forced a glove onto her hand & made her go. Here's the run down of the evening after that:

1. They practiced fielding ground balls. They didn't expect the kids to catch the ball, they just wanted the kids to try. If the ball went past the kid, they wanted to kid to run after it, pick it up, and throw it back. Each kid was grounded 5 balls. Know what Goober did? She stood there. Refused to bend down to try and get the ball, refused to run after it, refused to pick it up, and refused to throw it back. EVERY SINGLE TIME

2. They practiced running bases. The kids were lined up, single file, had to pretend to hit the ball, then run the bases all the way around. Goober was #4 in line. She got to the front, pretended to hit the ball, then WALKED THE BASES.

3. They practiced hitting. This, she actually did--after I forced a helmet onto her head because she refused to put it on-(I did this with permission from the coaches, I don't usually step in)

The coaches were wonderful with her. Very encouraging, upbeat, they just wanted everybody to have fun. I, on the other hand, wanted to run out there and strangle her for being such a brat. It was embarrassing, to say the least. Currently, she's refusing to talk to me. I sent her to her room when we got home after explaining to her that her behavior was unacceptable and ridiculous. I told her she can come down when her attitude straightens up. That was an hour ago, and she's still not talking to me. 2 more hours until her mom gets home.

Monday's Suck

Trust

Trusting people is hard for me. It didn't used to be hard. I used to trust people until they gave me a reason not to trust them. Now, I don't trust until they prove to me that they are trustworthy. This wasn't some overnight change that I decided to make. Through the last 5 years I have been lied to, hurt, manipulated, and emotionally burned. I graduated from high school in June of 2003. I had a clear path in front of me. I was going off to college, I was excited, nervous, and ready to go. I moved into my dorm room at the end of August 2003. It was small, but it was mine. All mine.

Freshman Year: I was sexually assaulted by a man who I thought was a friend. He blocked me from leaving my dorm room after the incident. I felt unsafe, I cried, stopped eating, barely slept, and my grades slipped. 2 weeks after the incident I met Brian. A month later we were officially a couple. As an official couple, we decided we could sleep in the same bed-(up until that point I had been sleeping in his bed while he slept in the living room). Cues were severely misread & it became painfully clear that he wanted sex. I stopped him and then went to the bathroom and threw up. The next day was...awkward. Fast forward to the end of freshman year, April of 2004. 5 of my friends and I signed on to live in an on-campus apartment. One of the girls, we'll call her A, somehow convinced us to live on the top floor. 3 flights of stairs and no elevators.

Sophomore Year: August 2004 we all moved into our new abode. Well, almost all of us, A had flunked out. She knew she wasn't coming back, yet signed on to live with us anyways. We felt betrayed. We had to scramble for money. And while moving in, we realized that 3 flights of stairs and no elevators was a bad choice. I started my year long internship at the campus child development center this year. I learned quickly that parents lie, especially when their children are little hellions.

July 4th, 2005 I had immense pain in my abdomen & threw up in the bathroom at a Wendy's restaurant. The vomiting continued, and got worse. I was diagnosed with bulimia.

Junior Year: August 2005 I moved into my own 1 bedroom on campus apartment. Thus began what I like to call the semester from hell. I was still being treated for bulimia. When that treatment didn't work, I was diagnosed with anorexia, and treated for that. The illness continued & nobody knew what was going on. All tests came back with no abnormalities. My grades began slipping. I was vomiting 10-15 times a day. My teeth were eroding away from the constant vomiting. I could barely make it to class. I had been in the ER 3 times by the end of September. In October I was forced to leave school because my grades had fallen so badly and I had missed so much classes. I cried the entire 3 hour drive to my parents house. I was devastated, I had failed. By the end of October I was seeing 4 separate doctors and had been admitted to the hospital another 2 times. After the last admittance I sat in my Dr's office while she told me that the pain was all in my head & there was nothing more they could do. I had 2 choices, be admitted to the psych ward at the local hospital, or go home until I either got better or worse, then be admitted to the psych ward. My parents thought it best that I be admitted immediately. It then became clear that nobody believed me. I was convinced I was crazy. My gallbladder was removed 3 weeks later, the vomiting and pain stopped almost immediately.

Senior Year: Brian and I moved in together. Obviously it didn't work out. I had friends turn on me. Questioning me, badgering me, calling me, and e-mailing me. I'm not sure why it was any of their business, but many of these people had told me--when we first split up--that I was a friend regardless of who I was dating. Many of these people I had met through Brian. Most of those 'friends' have turned on me. No longer talking to me because I 'destroyed' his life by leaving him.

Super Senior Year: No majorly big events. Just trying to find myself.

Now: Part of me wants to be able to trust like I did before. Not be so suspicious of everybody. But life experiences have tainted my view of people. I don't know if it's that I can't trust people, or if I won't trust people. I pray nightly for God to open my heart and my mind, but these feelings that if I trust, I will get hurt, still plague me. It has affected my working relationship with my boss, and I successfully pushed away 2 men I was dating-(at separate times)-because I couldn't tell if they were being truthful with me. In hindsight they probably were, but I don't want to get hurt again. I said at the beginning of this post that I don't trust people until they prove to me that they are trustworthy. Problem is, I don't allow people adequate time to prove to me that they are trustworthy. I push them away, avoid them, whatever before they get to that point.

Trust, what is it to you?

Results

Well the process of getting the x-rays was easy cheesy, as they usually are. The results, on the other hand, weren't so good. The "official" diagnoses is:

Possible hair line fracture somewhere in the atlanto-axial joint

Yes, you read that right. THAT is the diagnoses. Basically, for those of you without a medical background--like me -- the atlanto-axial joint allows you to turn your head left and right. They told me to keep taking motrin, ice for another 3 days, heat for 3 days, and not to turn my head left or right if I can help it. I have a follow up appt. next Thursday.

Anyways, i'm pretty much just lying on the couch all day now, ya know, so I don't move my head left or right. It's tough.

Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow

So on Monday morning I was lying on the floor at Goober's house and she came galloping into the living room and jumped. She was aiming for my back, but instead her knee landed squarely on the back of my neck. I iced it, took some Motrin, and laid on the couch. It is now Thursday and instead of getting better, my neck is feeling worse. So tomorrow I go have x-rays. Wish me luck.

Reality Check

A friend called me today while I was at work. I don't usually answer my cell phone while I'm at work, unless it's Goober's mom or Aunt. But I hadn't talked to this friend in about 6 months so I took the call. She asked what I was doing, I told her I was working, she asked if it was a long day, I said yes, 12 hrs. Her response? "Oh that's only 1/2 a day, that's not bad." Okay, she worked an 8-5 job 5 days a week, has every weekend off, and shows up at 7:55am and leaves at 5pm on the dot. Anyways, it got me thinking. Maybe 12 hr. days don't seem long to other people either. So here's a little reality check for 'those' people:

I have been awake since 6:30am. I have had 3 hours of AWAKE time today where I have no been working.

So....3 hours a day where I am awake and NOT working. So yes, I will continue to consider 12 hr. days long. Maybe I should've asked her what a 'long' day is to her. Or maybe I'll just call her tomorrow during my 15 hr. day where I will have 1.5 hours of non-working awake time.

And yes, I am a little jealous of her 8-5 job.

Not Much Going On

There's not a whole lot going on. I've come down from cloud 9 about the new job. Reality hit me when I started packing and realized that it's a bit bigger task than I originally thought. It isn't so much the actual packing that's hard, it's the motivation that's hard. I've had the entire week off, you think I would've gotten a lot done, but really, I've done the bare minimum. I think I packed a total of 3 boxes, cleaned the house, cleaned the fridge, and um....I think I did laundry once.

Anyways, I'm still here, still reading the other blogs, just not too much to report over here.

Big News!!!!

I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am officially moving to Atlanta on August 31st. Baby is due September 12th-(c-section) so the week before I will be washing the baby clothes, running errands, just overall getting ready for baby.

I'm so excited!!!!

Just a Bad Week

Goober has had a rough week. By rough week, I mean being completely out of control and defiant. Monday was by far the worst day I have ever had with her. It was stressful, frustrating, and I was almost in tears by the time her mother walked in the door at 6:30pm. Throughout the day Goober was sassy, breaking the rules, lying to me, kicking the dog, climbing on the furniture, trying to boss me around, whining, copping an attitude, and had pushed the screen out of her bedroom window. Warnings, time outs, talking, taking things away, removing her from the situation and redirecting didn't work. It all culminated at 6pm when I was walking into the kitchen and Goober came running up from behind and hit me. I lost it and yelled. Put her in a time out. I was p-i-s-s-e-d. Mom got home, I told her about the day, and left. Hoping the next day would be better. Then came the next day and....

It started off poorly. Mom and I were chatting in the kitchen. Goober came into the kitchen. I said good morning to her. She rolled her eyes, put her hand up, said "yeah whatever" and kept walking. Mom got on her about that one. The day continued and FINALLY started turning around at about lunch time. The rest of the day was pleasent. But man, what a horrible start to the week.

I'm off for the rest of the week. I am sooooooooooo hoping next week is better. Because if it isn't, it's going to be a very long summer.

The Things I Say

A list of just a few things I caught my self saying last week at work:

1. Just because the dog licks my face doesn't mean you can

2. 14 games of Jr. Monopoly is enough for one day

3. Stop washing the dog with dirt

4. Quit acting like a giraffe and eat your broccoli

5. I'm not as patient as the man in the big yellow hat, and you're not Curious George.

First day of summer work schedule

And it was a long one! In 14 hours we:

1. Walked the dog twice

2. Rode bikes

3. Played bubbles

4. Went to the park

5. Packed a picnic

6. Went on a picnic

7. Played with the dog

8. Took care of our Webkinz

9. Put make-up on

10. Goober took a bath

11. Watched Cheaper by the Dozen 2

12. Played on the tire swing 3 times

13. Played chalk

14. Got the mail

15. Brought in the garbage cans

16. Made & ate dinner

17. Applied sunscreen 5 times

18. Put on perfume

Tomorrow is a short day, only 10 hours. For now, I'm tired and going to bed.

Things I got done are in bold:

1. Go to Wal-Mart

2. Go to the grocery store

3. Deposit a check

4. Pay rent

5. Pay the electric bill

6. Wash the dishes

7. Clean the kitchen

8. Clean the bathroom

9. Clean the living room

10. Clean the bedroom

11. Do laundry

12. Put laundry away

13. Seperate & freeze the 8 lbs of chicken and 4 lbs. of ground beef in my fridge

14. Sleep

So a little over 1/2 of the to-do list done. I got word from my boss that she won't know about my job until June 16th now. So that gives me another week of guaranteed work, but it still stinks that I won't know until 1/2 way through June if I have a job or not.

Tomorrow I'll be starting my summer work schedule. 13 hour day. I hoping it goes well.